Hello...

Hello.
I knew at the beginning of the year that I wanted to let go of the blog. I am in a different place now and I need the space to work through a great many things. I intend to keep the archives up for a time, although I have removed the comment function.
If you have landed here - welcome and feel free to dip in to what was our life - once upon a time...
J xxx

Friday, March 6, 2015

Into the wind


It has been blowing a gale today - again. It feels as if this wind has never stopped since the New Year. I took Mick for his usual walk down to the pier, this afternoon, and it was all I could do to push myself through the force field of the oncoming wind. The way home was much quicker, though.


There have been other storms in our lives this week too - battling against this wind of cancer. John had some new pain and weakness, and a CT scan hinted at something suspicious a bit higher up from where the spinal tumour was operated on. He was flown over to the mainland for an MRI scan which showed some new metastases in a couple of other spots in the bones of his spine. It is being treated with more radiotherapy, and we hope to have him back next week.


James and I have stayed home this time. We couldn't go on the helicopter, and the gales mean that the ferries are not running. John said he wanted me to have a rest, and to keep things running as normally as possible at home for James, who has had a lot of disruption over the last year. It wasn't an easy decision; we guessed he was likely to be told it was a progression of the disease, but probably on balance, it was the best call.
 The last week or so has been quite a difficult time, as his pain and anxiety increased. We have had some hard conversations - those important ones that you never imagine having to have. We are just beginning to work out the steps of this new dance,  although there are some sudden changes in tempo that catch us out often. A friend, whose husband also has cancer, said to me today that, although each new setback feels so devastating,  we somehow learn to accommodate that new situation and move forward. It's true. We keep on keeping on - what else would we do?
So - this week,  I have been waiting at home, staying busy with the everyday - feeding the hens,



planting seeds, 



cooking nourishing food,


casting on a new project with a giant ball of wool,


lighting the fire, watching tv and eating ice cream - just keeping time.


and at least I know he's been well looked after today. xx

35 comments:

  1. Hi, that's another tough call, not much to say that will help or make it better. We do just get on with it don't we, because there isn't much other option. Thinking about you at this difficult time. x

    ReplyDelete
  2. My dearest Jacqui, I am so sorry to hear about John's setback, but you are so right, just keep looking forward, one day at a time. I continue to pray for all of you and hope that life gets a little easier soon for all of you. Much love.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sending much love to you and wishing I had the right words. Praying for the Peace that passes understanding. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry to hear your news, I hope I am sending you the right words. You and your family seem so strong and loving, I hope the wind soon passes into a new calmness for all of you. All the very best.x

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you everyone / your words are a comfort and strength, but please don't feel you need to say the right thing, - I know some people were wondering how things were going. Thank you for reading xxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm so sorry to hear your news. I can only say that you and your family are in our prayers, and you're right, what else can you do other than keep keeping on..x

    ReplyDelete
  7. So sorry to hear your latest news and you are all, as always, in my prayers. God bless and keep you all xx

    ReplyDelete
  8. so sorry to hear this, my thoughts and prayers are with you and the family..........

    ReplyDelete
  9. So sorry to hear your news. I just want to tell you thinking about you at this difficult time. God bless you all.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am so sorry. Praying for grace, peace and strength. May God bless all of you.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ah. This was not news I expected to read. Keeping fingers crossed the radiation does the trick and stops this once and for all. May the anxiety lessen, your hearts be happy. Keeping you in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Jacqui, I am sending you and your family my very best wishes, and want you all to know that you all are in my prayers. Life is so precious. One of my dearest New York friend's husband has been facing a seriour medical foe very similar to your husband's. Although I do not always know what to say to her, I do know how to listen.

    xo

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love and prayers for you all xxxx
    Barbara

    ReplyDelete
  14. Sending you all a hug and know that you are in my prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hugs and prayers to your family. My sister is also struggling thru cancer and radiation and chemo, and she also likes everything to stay as normal as possible....so we work on that.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Remember Jesus is the best dance partner of all! Lean on Him xx

    ReplyDelete
  17. I'm so sorry to read this. It must be hard to not be with John, but I imagine it really helps James to be home for a bit and be at school. I'll be remembering you this week.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sorry to hear your news, will be praying for you and yours. you are so brave and I know that your faith
    will give you strength and comfort at this difficult time. Hugs

    Barbara C.

    ReplyDelete
  19. So sorry to hear of this recent turn of events, but it sounds as if you are all coping so very well. As you say, you have little choice but to cope, but you all seem to be doing so with enormous grace. Wonderful last photo! Keeping you in my prayers. Xox

    ReplyDelete
  20. hope your husband is recovering i will pray for him , wish you all the best love from spain. rosa

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thinking of you and yours. And, although I'm not a "Christian", I'll share what is one of my favourite parts of the book, "Be still and know that I am God". My mum used to use it as a meditative thought and it does work!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Carolyn - sometimes it's the only thing we can do xxx

      Delete
  22. From Margie in Toronto - very sorry to hear of your husband's setback - it must be very difficult not to be with him but I'm sure it gives him strength knowing how well you are carrying on at home. Remember to look after yourself as well as everyone else.

    ReplyDelete
  23. So sorry to hear your news. But, speaking from personal experience with cancer progression, it's amazing how adaptable we humans are once we've had time to digest bad news (at least that's what I've found so far). I hope things get easier for you, living so far from the hospital must be incredibly difficult (and yet what a fantastic place to live). I'm sure John appreciates your pragmatism and strength just as I am grateful to my husband for his love, support and realism through difficult times. I've ummed and ahhed about posting this, as it might sound incredibly patronising. I don't mean it to be! Just wanted you to know that there are people out in Internet Land how have some inkling of what you and John are going through and are keeping you in their prayers xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is certainly not patronising, DD. Thank you so much. It's such a difficult and sensitive balance to find and I don't always get it right. Got to keep trying though. Sending love and prayers to you too xxx

      Delete
  24. Much love and special prayers are with you and the family. I hope Jon is soon home into your loving arms. xxx

    ReplyDelete
  25. ah, i'd very much hoped that "no news was good news" as far as John's health. my love and prayers are with you all -- the vigil at home is probably the hardest of all, i'd think.

    xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete
  26. I'm sending you love and prayers from New York. You are a strong woman with a strong faith and a positive attitude. Your family is so blessed to have you at the helm. God bless. xoxo

    ~ Wendy

    ReplyDelete
  27. Just to let you know that we pray for the Lord to heal John every week in our church. May you know the peace of God which passes all understanding at this time of trial.

    Pat in Norfolk.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much, Pst. We will remember you all too xx

      Delete
  28. Thinking of you all at this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  29. praying that all is well. I'm glad John as family while he is in the hospital and you are at home with your son. life is a journey and a trial and I hope you continue your journey with lots of happiness and luck.

    ReplyDelete
  30. My heart goes out to you...may God's peace be with you and yours.

    ReplyDelete
  31. Thinking of you and your family.
    Take care

    ReplyDelete

Many thanks for visiting me. I love to read your thoughts and appreciate each one. I will respond to comments and queries here, so please check back xx

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...