Hello...

Hello.
I knew at the beginning of the year that I wanted to let go of the blog. I am in a different place now and I need the space to work through a great many things. I intend to keep the archives up for a time, although I have removed the comment function.
If you have landed here - welcome and feel free to dip in to what was our life - once upon a time...
J xxx

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Tidelines


I am endlessly fascinated by tidelines. I walk up and down the shore for hours following the shapes left by the ebb and flow - the unique tracing of each wave.



I wander slowly, examining the patterns and colours left by earlier tides, absorbed in the tangle of seaweed, shells and tiny fragments that have been left behind by the ocean.  



A bit like life, I suppose. We drift in, make our own individual tide mark, then return to the deep. But we leave traces... and treasures. No two tides are the same.




There's a magic about the shoreline- that liminal space - not quite land, not quite water. It's a cleansing place - the rhythm of the waves - the silence in between - it washes out the relentless chattering of the world. Breathe deeply, return to centre.



It has only been six weeks, since John drifted out on his tide. Six weeks! So recent- so new, and yet it feels so long ago...

My head is full - thoughts racing all day - things to do, plans, fretting over jobs not getting done, thinking ahead, firefighting ... But my body feels numb and lethargic so nothing much is achieved.  I know, I know, it's all still so raw, so recent - that word again...The other day I tried a relaxing meditation and I could not feel my heart beating, though I searched for it. But I know it still does, for I am alive - and well, (most of the time). I am getting through the days. Grief comes like waves. Here I am, ambling along the edge, dipping my toes in, when a sudden surge catches me out, and I am drenched by it. That's ok, though, because I can feel it - it knocks me out of the detached torpor that I can so easily slip into.



But for the moment, I am not ready to plunge into that deep pool of grief. Yes, the odd splash may catch me out, but not yet...

I have a few things planned for the summer, and intend to immerse myself in those - my children and grandchildren, mainly. Hopefully some summer sun, and a bit of art and culture maybe?




I am taking a bit of a blogging break too. Not fully - I will send postcards, but no words. Remember I did that before? I will disable the comments, to give you a wee break too :)  Oh, I cannot tell you how much your kindness and love has meant to me -  how much it is has really helped and sustained me - not only in the last six weeks, but over the last year,since this journey began. I go back and read them often, and they never fail to lift me up - thank you.

And so I am off for a few weeks, searching the tideline for more treasures... who knows what I might find? I wish you all the most wonderful of seasons wherever you may be. xxx

42 comments:

  1. The sea is a wonderful place and there is something magical about the tides and the tide line. I hope you find solace in it x

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  2. i, too, am fascinated by the liminal spaces....i'm a threshold-dweller, happiest in the in-betweens. i love to be beside the ocean - not in it, or on it, just beside it....it holds all the magic.

    bless you, dear Jacqui....and love to you as you find your way. grief is a wily creature; it still stalks me, taking me by surprise around corners and from behind things so i know something of the road you're traveling. but we all weather it differently, so take the time and space you need...as much or as little.....it is what it is.

    i'll be thinking of you....xoxo

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  3. We will be here when you can return.

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  4. Come back soon....you will be missed!

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  5. take care, will be thinking of you x

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  6. Jacqui, thank you for this post with its beautiful photographs of the amazing shoreline. Your expressive writing complements the visual images very well.

    Love to you and James. I am hoping that you all will be nourished by some time along the shoreline.

    xo

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  7. One of the most eloquent, deep, honest posts I've ever read. Praying for you as you walk the shoreline that you will be wrapped in the love and peace of the Lord and that of family and friends. xo

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  8. Praying for you in this season of your life. Take all of the time you need and we'll be here when you return.

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  9. My 79 yea old died 3 weeks ago and for the most part I'm fine as it was expected but the grief catches me when I least expect it.

    Enjoy the summer, I hope you find new memories and some peace!

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  10. Jacqui, you have a gift for sharing. Your words and photos are beautiful. I pray you have a healing time of comfort and peace. God's blessings to you and your family. Ellen

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  11. Jacqui, you never fail to inspire me with your honesty and strength. I have heard grief also compared to an underground spring that bubbles up when and where you least expect it. Another water metaphor for one of the most profound experiences of human existence... Enjoy all that you can of your summer, and thank you in advance for whatever post-cards you feel like putting up here. Much love from us all. We are keeping you in our thoughts and prayers.

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  12. I hope those tidelines help you Jacqui. As most know the ocean is my soul place and I find such comfort there, as I know you do too.
    My heart breaks for you, for James and I pray that the coming days, months bring peace to you and you find
    comfort. Enjoy your break and take care of yourself.
    Much love to you.
    XO

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  13. Your photographs and words are truly beautiful. It has been nearly nine months since my husband David passed away and I feel myself paddling in the edge of that deep pool, dipping in my toe. Like you I have planned a trip away this summer with my daughters and friends once school ends next week. I hope you have a good summer and that it will help sustain you through the months to come. Ali x

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  14. Beautifully put in both the photos and words. I hope you find solace in the tides and summer.

    with hugs from a very cold New Zealand.

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  15. How do we survive the loss of a loved one? Time. Everything is so new for you - this life without your husband. Allow yourself to feel whatever it is you feel and take as much time as you need to recover from this loss. So glad your spending time with your family this summer. They help heal the soul. Enjoy your time away.

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  16. Enjoy the summer with your family, I truly hope you find some peace.

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  17. Sending love to you Jacqui, and wishing you peace xxx

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  18. Beautiful words, Jacqui. Sending you love and peace, and my prayers. xxx

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  19. thinking of you and asking God to give you rest and peace

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  20. Your writing is soulful & meaningful. I will keep you in my prayers as you take this needed break. Mary Ann

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  21. Beautiful, painful words and pictures.

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  22. Enjoy your time away from everything but what matters. Keep the faith. With much love from the Canadian prairies. xo

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  23. You are in my thoughts, it is good to take time for you and for your children and grandchildren. Take care. x

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  24. I hope you enjoy your break from the blog, I'll miss you. I think you are journeying perfectly through life and processing your grief. I think when cancer is involved (my mom died of it) the grieving is all up front during the suffering and end. You are you and you are beautiful and wonderful--sending you endless prayers for peace and contentment--take care!

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    1. I think you are right, karen - thanks xxx

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  25. Wishing you peace and love and praying God's blessings for you all - I remember those days last year when time should have stood still after the FH died and it didn't. It kept passing, and we ebbed away from the last time we had been with him, and it was strange that we could go on whilst he remained in our memories in a fixed point. We are just over a year down the road now, and the grief does come and go. We will look forward to your postcards, and to your return. With love x

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  26. Hi - I have just found your blog from my weekend by Pumpkin Sunrise. Where you live looks lovely. We are hoping to visit the Hebridean Islands in September. I am so sorry to learn of the death of your husband. I know what you are going through. Grief is a terrible thing. I lost both my parents within a week of each other 2 years ago. Time is a healer but I still have my moments. Look after yourself. Joan at www.aviewtothefells.com

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    1. Hello Joan - thank you for your comment. Sorry to read of your loss too. I hope you enjoy your visit here - if you find yourself nearby, give me a shout xx

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  27. I love the tides, and sifting through what they bring in too Jacqui, your photos are beautiful. I've been thinking of you often (in a non stalker way of course!!) I'm glad you have some summer plans to look forward too, will look out for your postcards here...if the last ones are anything to go by, we will be in for some treats. Much love and blessings to you and your dear boy xxx

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  28. what gorgeous images. This makes me want to drop everything and head to the beach!

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  29. I read you blog often but have never commented before. I don't blog myself so maybe that's why i've never commented, strange logic I know! Over the past few months I have thought of you often, as someone said above in a non-stalkery way. I often find the sea and the wind gives me strength and you have abundance of both! Hope the Hebridean summer is good to you, hope you tread slowly but firmly in the days ahead. Looking forward to your photographs and one day again your words. I may even stick my toe into huge world of blogging...or maybe not! Take care. Eleanor

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    1. Thank you for these kind and lovely words Eleanor. Do let me know if you begin a blog xxx

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  30. A beautiful blog and photos, sending you warm wishes and hope you have a peaceful break, thinking of you and yours x

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  31. Bless you as you set sail for the summer - may you be surrounded by His peace - warm as the sunshine on your face, refreshing as the waves lapping across your feet, uplifting as the sound of the birdsong. Much love on this next stage of your journey xx

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  32. Beautiful image of the tideslines! Lots of love!

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  33. God bless you and yours. Love and prayers, Barbara x

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  34. Your words so beautifully describe those months after my first husband passed suddenly. One day at a time and it was suddenly a month and then six weeks and six months. My feet didn't feel like they were touching the ground again until about that time. I couldn't wait for all of the "firsts" without him to be done with. The most difficult thing for me was the feeling of being alone. I could be in a room filled with people and feel completely alone. Thank God for our sons that got me thru it at night and our friends and family that got me thru it during the day. Time does not heal these horrible wounds completely but it makes them more manageable. It's been more then ten years now and it truly seems like a whole other lifetime ago. I look at my three sons and see him in all of them which reminds me that they never die. They just take on another energy form and are still with us always. I know you're not receiving comments for the summer but I wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. I've been where you are. You are not alone. xoxoxoxo

    ~ Wendy

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    1. Wendy - so much of that rings true - the feeling of being alone among others. The world suddenly seems so full of couples. Thank you for your encouragement xxx

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  35. I am so thankful for all the loving comments - you all help me so much more than you know xxx

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