Hello...

Hello.
I knew at the beginning of the year that I wanted to let go of the blog. I am in a different place now and I need the space to work through a great many things. I intend to keep the archives up for a time, although I have removed the comment function.
If you have landed here - welcome and feel free to dip in to what was our life - once upon a time...
J xxx

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Letting go







It's been about 6 weeks since I last posted. In truth, I don't quite know how to start, or what to say. I've been writing every day, in my journal, trying to navigate my way through this maze of grief. Sometimes the way is clear, but then I hit a wall, and have to stay still for a while. I haven't felt that I wanted to share this - it's very personal and too deep to explain, and not at all photogenic. 
What I will say is that I am ok. I am getting out and about, seeing friends and family, moving gently back into the community. I am looking after myself: living slowly, keeping fit, eating well, getting out in the fresh air, simple stuff, really.
Letting go - yes there has been a bit of that - limiting the "shoulds" and "have tos" as much as I can. I'm grateful that I have been able to take the time to be - and to become a widow. Oh, it's taken a while to use that word. It comes from a Sanskrit word, vidh, which means void, and I feel that void very deeply. I need to learn how to live with it.
James is well. Many of you have been wondering - thank you. I am so glad of him - pragmatic and clever, already with his father's dry sense of humour. He is indeed a blessing.
And that letting go? I'm afraid The Barefoot Crofter blog is one of the things I am surrendering. I've thought a lot about it, and I believe it has run its course. I began with such hopes and dreams, and many of them came true. I wouldn't have changed anything, except the last two years. 
But I am where I am now, and I need to find my new path, wherever it leads. I want to thank everyone who has taken time out of their lives to read my words, to comment and to send love and prayers. I have made many good friends, in this space - real life and online. My heart has been filled up with the love and blessings sent by you all. I am truly grateful for everything. 
I will be around on Instagram, and if you want to contact me by email, do drop me a line (although I may be quite slow to respond) - the links are on the sidebar. 
So - I wish you all every blessing and much love. And thank you xxx

64 comments:

  1. I wish you what you want from the future. I have loved reading about your life. And felt compassion. All the best.

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  2. Wishing you the very best for the future for you and James. Only you know what you need to do. Take care and I shall miss reading your blogs and everyone's comments.

    Sue R

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  3. Ah this is sad news to read - but completely and totally understandable. I have followed you for a few years now, delighting in the joys of the bonny land where my grandfather hailed from and for me who have had the lovely pleasure of visiting once. I hope things balance out for you, and if you feel like it I would love if you would share your address with me. I wouldn't mind sending a few things over from the Canadian prairies every once in awhile! xx

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  4. Love you Jacqui. Big hugs and a hope that we will get to meet sometime this year at a half way point xx

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  5. I have only recently come to your blog but have enjoyed reading your posts. I will be sad to see it disappear but completely understand your reasons. I hope all goes well for you and James.

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  6. Thank you for sharing so much and so beautifully - wishing love , light and peace for you and James in the days ahead.

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  7. You've been so generous to share your life with us through your words and photos, and you are kind to give us a final post.

    You can't undo some things, my life will forever be changed for landing here at your blog however many years ago and glimpsing into a world so different from my own. You allowed me to dream again.

    Thank you seems so incomplete, my heart is filled with gratitude for you, your generosity, your vulnerability, your honesty and I wish you and your family every peace and happiness, and of course, courage for all the unknowns before you. May you be blessed a hundred fold for the blessings you have given us. xo

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  8. I hope everything goes well for you and James. Thank you for sharing your life in such an idyllic spot.

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  9. I will miss you in this space, although I do get it. And I will get to visit you on IG which makes me smile.
    Much love my dear friend.

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  10. When you come to mind in the future - as I garden, or spend time in nature, or with dear friends, you will come to mind and I will still send love and prayers; and I hope you will somehow know that your writing and sharing and photographs have enriched the lives of so many people. Thank you Jacqui, may you enjoy blessings and peace; you deserve so much. Ellen

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  11. God bless you and James as you journey forward with your lives. I've enjoyed your blog so much and I wish all the very best for you.

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  12. I will miss this beautiful space but I am sure your decision is wise. Thank you for sharing so generously and openly. May God bless you and James as you move gently into the next stage.

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  13. I completely understand, I have been the same since my dad died and have seen my mum living in fog. There is no way through other that your own way. Jaqui you have been an inspiration, thank you. Xx

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  14. Wishing you strength and love through your journey forward x x x

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  15. Love and huge blessings to you both, I shall miss your wise words and stunning pictures, but of course your journey is yours and you have to complete it as feels right.....take the days as they come and know you will be missed. Kate xx

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  16. Just a simple thank you and thoughts and blessings to you and James for the future.

    Alex xx

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  17. From Gardener to Crofter you have been an absolute inspiration. Thank you for sharing so much. I will miss you. James is the same age as my long awaited for daughter. I also have a late blessing too. I have so enjoyed watching James grow. You may have inspired me to sign up for instagram. New journeys. Xx

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  18. Wishing you and James all the best for the future. X

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  19. Thank you for sharing your sometimes beautiful, sometimes painful journey with us. I'm sorry to see you go but it is completely understandable. Wishing you and James all the live and luck for the future. x

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  20. So sad to see you go, but understand, some times we have to pare down, just be and see where it takes us. We never get over the loss of a beloved, we learn to live with it in our own way. Wishing you, James and your family much love and peace x

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  21. Sending you thanks and much love. Penny L in Dorsetxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  22. Thank you for your blog. Love to you as you find your way xo

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  23. Will miss you but I have high hopes for you and your new path....onwards and upwards as much as you can.

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  24. Thank you for sharing your journey. I will miss you ! Take care and may the future be brighter! Hugs xxx

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  25. Thank you for not just disappearing. I will miss reading your posts. I hope the future becomes thes place you want it to be as time goes on. Take care.

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  26. Thank you Jacqui for letting us know-that was a very considerate thing to do. Happy to hear James is thriving and good luck with your future whateverr and wherever that may be. Catriona

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  27. Thank you so much.
    But I hope to see you around xx

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  28. Thank you for sharing so much with us. I really enjoyed reading about your life, hopes and dreams and I was saddened for your when things turned. I do often think about you, and James, and of course wish you both the best, and hopefully some new dreams and aspirations (when you are ready).
    Do take care! Hugs and kisses from the Eastern Mediterranean.

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  29. Completely understand. Will email you occasionally, but you know where I am. Thank you for all your support and wisdom, and may God bless you both. With much love xx

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  30. Wishing you well with whatever the future brings you. I do not comment often but have followed you with a great joy over the years..... and shared the highs and lows with you.... Although I don't know you I think of you and James often. May your journey bring you peace and happiness. Will miss you. God speed xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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  31. I have totally enjoyed your blog and its run.
    Pics were great. A glimpse into your life as it were.
    Viewing this from the east coast of Vancouver Island.
    Thank you and all the best for your future.
    barb

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  32. dearest Jacqui...you and James are often in my thoughts, and always in my prayers. I've so enjoyed bearing witness to your life in this space - the generosity with which you've shared your beautiful land has inspired me in ways I find hard to articulate. [I'm so glad you're still going to visit IG!].

    Take wonderful care of yourself...and God bless. xo

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  33. Much love and angels to bless as you journey on, Jacqui. I shall truly miss the glimpses of your heart that you share through your beautiful words and photos. May Peace be with you through this transition, and what is to come.

    With love, Quinn in the BC Kootenays

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  34. I hope the pathway you both tread in the future bring many happy and heart filled moments for you both.
    love and blessings xx

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  35. Wishing you the best as you travel the path that you must.

    God bless.

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  36. I can understand the need to draw a line here, thanks for explaining. Off to find you on IG. Take care.

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  37. Thank you for sharing your life. The sheer beauty of your surroundings I will miss seeing. All the best and keep well.

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  38. you sound at peace with your decision and I'm glad about that. I'll see you on instagram my dear!!

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  39. I have so loved reading your blog and will miss it terribly. I wish you and James the very best. Thank you for the joy that you brought to so many.

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  40. Dear Jacqui, thank you for this lovely post. Once again, you've expressed yourself beautifully in words and images. Visiting here over the years has always been a great pleasure for me, and a continuing source of inspiration.

    Perhaps this year I will myself join instagram. Many friends have encouraged me to do so. Meanwhile, I do plan to stay in touch with you via an occasional email.

    I send you and James lots of love. xo

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  41. So sorry to see you go but sending you lots of love and blessings and every good wish for the future. Xxx

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  42. I will miss you and all the lovely posts you have shared. As I read your post my heart filled with love and all best wishes for you and James...I hope you can feel it across the miles. May you both be blessed as you go forward.

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  43. Thinking of you both Jacqui,
    glad you will still be around on Instagram.
    Hope things get easier as time goes by.
    Jacquie x

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  44. I am so sorry to see you go, but you must do what is best for yourself and James! We shall miss you and your wisdom and would welcome you back should you decide in the future to return. I long to visit Scotland (again, having been once) and so enjoyed your pictures and stories of it. Please take care of yourself! Farewell from Calgary (Canada)

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  45. Lifting prayers for you and James and wishing you all the best blessings as you let this space go. Void. I cannot imagine and am so sorry you have had to.
    xo Lisa

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  46. I have so loved your beautiful pictures and interesting posts. I understand your "letting go". We shall miss you but hope only for you the best and peace. From Middle Georgia in the Southern U.S.A.

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  47. Void. How appropriate but sad for what you're feeling now. I have been where you are, you will persevere. I wish the best for you and James. Take care. Loretta

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  48. I cant think of a better way to say it myself so here is a link to a Sacred Harp song that i think you'll like. If you don't know this music they start with the notes and then sing the song so hang in there for the first 40 seconds or so. All good things to you and yours, will miss you in this space.


    My Christian friends, in bonds of love,
    Whose hearts in sweetest union join,
    Your friendship’s like a drawing band,
    Yet we must take the parting hand.
    Your company’s sweet, your union dear,
    Your words delightful to my ear;
    Yet when I see that we must part
    You draw like cords around my heart.
    How sweet the hours have passed away
    Since we have met to sing and pray;
    How loath we are to leave the place
    Where Jesus shows His smiling face.
    Oh could I stay with friends so kind,
    How would it cheer my drooping mind!
    But duty makes me understand
    That we must take the parting hand.

    https://youtu.be/UHEVnJKlKuA?list=PLvxawOZ9FezfigI05zXBUL4vhxdq9O6Zp

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  49. Dear Jacqui
    I am walking the same difficult path as you. Void - that sums it up really - the feeling that a half of what you once were is missing and will never be restored. Joy in the family ( and life in general) remains, but is different, now that we see ourselves as somewhat diminished. In the eyes of God, of course we are not, so the task ahead of us is to rebuild our lives on that basis.
    I wish you well.
    God Bless

    Stella

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  50. I wish you and James all the best in the future. I will still keep your blog in my favourites just in case :). The day I found your blog I had just heard about my niece was terminally ill at the age of 40 she died just two months after your dear husband. I will always remember you and what you went through and hope you find the peace you so deserve.

    Sue R

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  51. thankyou too, I have read two blogs ever, yours and soulemamas, and they have both been a pleasure, take good care of you and your lovely boy, your blog will be missed, all good wishes for youxx

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  52. Thank you for your blog - it's been an inspiration to me. I loved your advent series and the everyday updates too. It will be sad for it to end but I understand your reasons and wish you and James the very best as you make your way down a different path from the one you had expected. May you know God's love and care as you go. Helen x

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  53. I have read your blog for about two years and never left a comment before. I am sorry it has ended thank you for sharing your life with your readers.
    Best wishes to you and James for the future.

    Chris Kent

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  54. Bless you Jacqui, and James. Thank you for sharing so much of your life in a beautiful place with us. Very sorry to see you go from blogland but you must move forwards and do what's best for you. Much love from here - Christine

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  55. Jacqui, I have been reading for a couple of years and I shall miss you. Your window on a world which is so different to mine has been educational, beautiful, inspiring and comforting. How typical that you should wish us every blessing, when it is we who are grateful to you for sharing your world, inner and outer, with us. I am glad that you are looking after yourself and shall keep you in my prayers. God bless you. x

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  56. Sending you so much love, Jacqui, as you tread this unchartered path. I am so glad you are honouring yourself and your needs. May these changes we both face in our separate grieving journeys be gentle and nurturing. Take care. I looking forward to finding you on Instagram and continuing our connection xoxo

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  57. I am a blog hopper (I visit many and varied ones) tho' I'm not a blogger myself. I have followed you for a while and will miss your posts but, wish you well in all that the future brings for you. Thank you so much for all you have shared in the past. Bright blessings xx

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  58. I have laughed with you and cried with you, your journey has been an inspiration to us all. I wish you and James the continuance on your path to new adventures, a life well-lived and loved, and most of all happiness and contentment.
    You shall be missed.
    ~Jo

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  59. I will miss your beautiful photos of an Island that stole my heart. It is my dream to one day make a life there and so hopefully we will one day meet. Take care, I can't imagine your pain, look after yourself.

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  60. Jacqui I only ever drop in to your blog and must be your most intermittent reader but have enjoyed your words. May I send you my blessings and wish you all the best for the future. XXX
    Don

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  61. I Think you should keep the blog and just write when you feel like it< I only ever read your blog along with one other, its interesting and a great read, please continue even if its only a couple of times a year but thank you for such great writing.

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  62. Another quiet visitor here. I've been reading your blog for years, Jacqui, enjoying your well crafted words, your peaceful spirit and your beautiful island, and wishing you strength and healing in more recent years. I suspect that this blog has given pleasure and wisdom to very many more people than you'll ever know, and I thank you for those gifts. God bless, and good journeying.

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  63. There was a time when I blogged and checked other blogs faithfully. That time has passed for me, too, and so it is that I've just come to learn of your husband's death at the same time as hearing that you are leaving this space. I have enjoyed your posts and dream of your life, imagining you as a barefoot crofter. I wish you so much joy and goodness as you step out into this new chapter of your life. Thank you for the beauty you brought to the world with your blog.
    Stephanie

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Many thanks for visiting me. I love to read your thoughts and appreciate each one. I will respond to comments and queries here, so please check back xx

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